Roaches, No Maintenance, and Insane Women Neighbors. Welcome Home.
From:
nimeoa@gmail.com
Date posted:
8/22/2007
Years at this apartment:
2006
-
2007
Ah, Spring Meadow, or as I like to call it "Roach Meadow." You see, here at Roach Meadow, they like to surprise you by giving you a great, free, hidden amenity; roach infestation. There are many perks to this, you see. You'll save money on having to buy food because you can't bring food into your house for fear of roaches getting into all of it. Think of all the cash you can bank by not being able to eat! Ever find that sleeping is a bore' Well, not anymore! You see, at Roach Meadow, you'll never have a boring night as you lie awake just wondering if you'll have cockroaches crawling on you while you sleep. Hate washing dishes' Well you're in luck! Here at the Meadow, there are trained, professional cockroaches living inside the dishwasher, ready to clean up any spare food left on your pots, pans, plates, bowls, and whatever else you want cleaned! Excitement, unpredictability and money saving on food is what you'll get here at Roach Meadow. If for some reason you're not satisfied with the complimentary roach infestation, the office will be more than glad to send out an exterminator about 2 weeks after your call. Lucky for us, the pest control is no match for these roaches and they'll continue to stick around for the long run.
Speaking of maintenance, the service here is splendid. And by splendid, I mean terrible. Broken sink' That's too bad! Broken dishwasher' Gonna have to ask the roaches to check on that one. Here at Roach Meadow, the maintenance motto is "who gives a ----."
Let's talk about the friendly folk you'll meet here at the Meadow. Take for example my neighbor; a woman in her mid to late 40s. She can often be seen walking her small dog around the complex, or talking to the other guy next door who speaks not a word of English. Oh, did I mention this woman is positively out of her mind' if you have the misfortune of running into her, be prepared to hear her insane ramblings about her intuition getting stronger, all hell breaking loose, her mother diving too deep into what she doesn't understand, people following "her" like moths to the flame, the realization of "it all" setting in, the aliens that implanted stuff in her teeth, and other wonderful topics. I love having to make a mad dash to my door to avoid her, because she sits at her window waiting for people to walk by so she can assault them with asinine comments. Lucky for me, even this doesn't work, because she'll often coming knocking at my door at all hours of the night.
Speaking of knocking, the folks downstairs seem to make a hobby out of it. By knocking I mean taking a battering ram to the walls and karate kicking doors while juggling lit dynamite. Yes, this is what it sounds like during all hours of the night. Either that or they have a pet elephant that they get drunk nightly.
Safety is simply not a priority for the staff here at Roach Meadows. They simply can't be bothered with it. So if you're car is broken into, just suck it up and move on.
Perhaps you like to connect to the internet every now and then. Well At Roach Meadow, you're forced to use the biggest pile of feces internet service I have ever had the extreme misfortune of using. Wanna download a 1 MB text file' Too damn bad, you're gonna have to wait a long time for it to finish. A lot of time we don't have to worry about using this horrible internet service however, because 50% of the time, it's down completely. Now that's convenient!
What else can be said about Roach Meadow, really'
DO NOT LIVE HERE.
That about sums it up. Have a nice day.
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