I lived in this place for two years. About half of the residents are nice elderly people. The other half are the craziest sons of ------- on the planet.

Some are a little of both. One particularly ----ed-up man in his 70s invited me over one evening. I thought he was going to regale me with WWII stories. He told me WWII was a conspiracy, the N-words at the V.A. hospital tried to poison him and then he asked me to watch "straight porns" with him.

Someone broke into my apartment and stole jeans. No, really. Someone broke into my apartment and stole jeans, the belt that was attached to them and a pair of my undergarments.

The maintenance and management people were nice enough, but apparently plan to live forever because they were in no rush to get anything done while I was still alive. They constantly lost keys and failed to make even the most simple of repairs for months at a time.

Also, no matter how clean you are, you will have an army of tiny roaches living in your place. They will stop at nothing until you stop buying groceries and spray your entire kitchen down with Great Value-brand bleach spray each night. Oh, and they'll mess with you by finding a way to get into your damn freezer of all places.

If you're anything like me, you hate paying bills. This place is great for that because rarely, if ever, will you get your mail.

And I hope you like the sound of angry men beating the ever-loving ---- out of their Loony Tunes T-shirt-wearing wives and smacking the mouths of their malnourished, hungry children so loudly it wakes up the perfectly reasonable guy above them up each night. The floors and walls are so thin you will feel like a part of their dysfunctional family, and before you know it you'll find yourself hiding in your room at 5 p.m. when Dad comes home from work each day and cowering in anticipation of a near-lethal beating every time you hear him drop another empty can of Old Milwaukee into the trash can.

When hearing the guttural sex moans of the most unfortunate-looking woman you've ever seen is considered a good night, it's a bad scene.

In conclusion, if you just want a place to come home to each night where you can strangle your wife and set up your children for a lifetime of failure by handily beating them at things like fighting, then this is a great place for you to set up camp for the three months it will take you to lose another job and get evicted like the rest of the complex.

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