Mass Mills has a lot to offer: spacious bathrooms, high ceilings, a communal hot tub, walls that mitigate noise from neighbors, decent access to route 3, 495, and the commuter rail.

At first, everything was great.

But then, my daily joys and comforts were completely compromised.

The heat broke down for days. Management is not only rude and apathetic, they are also completely inept. As such, you suffer in freezing New England winter weater without heat. You have to cope without AC during the days you actually need it, and woe to those on the higher floors when this occurs. The rental office lady is seriously like the female version of Lumbergh from Office Space.

Lowell is a miserable stain of a city. You have an interesting culture available to you: violence, crime, bad drivers in heavy traffic, and drugs.

There are spiders all over the place, and if they get inside, you?ll spend way to much time fending them off. There are these massive centipede type creatures that have to be seen to believe. And mice. And rats the size of dump trucks outside.

A towing company prowls the lot all night. The moment 7pm hits, if your car or a visitor?s car isn?t perfect, kiss it good bye. The company also is awful as they don?t keep help at the lot, so you have to wait for the truck to return to get your car. There?s nothing worse than trying to park in a normal spot, and having to wait for the trashmaster tow guy to get out of your way.

There are people begging for money just to eat, and people begging for money to buy crack. Perhaps the best thing to do in Lowell is figure out what the 25 cents is gonna go to. Dunkinn Donuts, or smack.

If no one likes you, Mass Mills is great, because no one can visit you. Visitor parking is a joke that no one laughs at. Unlike: "What does a Philadelphia Eagle do when he wins an NFC Championship' He turns off the Playstation and goes to bed."

Many tenants solve domestic disputes with punches to the throat or setting something on fire. Laundry is stolen, cars are damaged, and kids run around screaming like Godzilla is on the way. Taxis pull up and whale on the horn at 7am on Sundays.

The entrance was out for over a year, when it was promised to only be down for a few months. A one car exit was made to be a bidirectional accessway, onto Bridge st, which is a fairly miserable road to try and drive on.

What seemed like an awesome place to have a home theater and live close to work soon turned into something from Joseph Conrads Heart of Darkness. Lowell digs its dirty claws into you, and to deal with it you need to start acting like everyone else. The further from civilization a man gets, the more savage he becomes. Soon, I found myself having the urge to have drugg addict skulls mounted on suped-up Honda Civic mufflers, all pointed at me like Kurtz did.

This is not a good way to live.

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