This is the story of three strangers, picked to live in an apartment.....that really sucked. Okay, so we werent strangers, but on a scale of one to terrible, Owings Manor sure bit the big one. First off, I must say that contrary to other reviews, I think that guy that lived out of his green saturn is both savvy and truly a stand up guy....and not at all a hobo. Now on to the review. Lets start with the actual apartment. There was a hot mom that lived right next door to us. Big plus. Unfortunately, she would have really loud sex to Michael Jackson music that could be heard quite clearly from our place, which is a big minus. When I'm eating my toaster streudel at 2 in the morning because I'm drunk and hungry and clearly poor, I dont want that damn song from the Free Willy soundtrack to be heard overtop of my rerun of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Not cool hot mom, not cool. Then there was the pirate that lived above us. Now dont get me wrong, I have nothing against pirates, but when one eyed willy up there decided to scale our balcony one day because he locked himself out, surely I have to question the intelligence and manners of such a breed. When it comes to pillaging, they rule, but when it comes to not climbing up balconies, clearly they are subpar. Then theres the "group of young urban children" that used to hang out in groups of 30 or so in the street, all wearing the same outfit. Now, being from the suburbs, maybe its not my place to say, but ladies and gentleman, I give you your very own Owings Manor gang. At least they continued to stand in the middle of the road when you were trying to drive your car through. Maybe they couldnt hear, the world's first thuggish ruggish deaf gang....I never thought about that. Anyhow, bottom line, on a scale on one to gang, they were. Moving on to the guys who appeared to be working on the filming of fast and the furious 3 in the parking lot. Now fellas, I guess a Dodge Neon with a spoiler is pretty cool, but when the spedometer tops out at 65, its probably not worth wasting your Lincoln Tech education on such a task. I mean, Tyrese and Paul Walker never even showed up like they said they would. Grade for the B squad from Pimp My Ride....F-. Okay, there was also a guy that lived out of our closet for indefinite periods of time....called himself gruber. We werent using the closet, so no problems there, but he turned the thermostat down to arctic and ate an inordinate amount of food for someone so unwelcome. If you move here, which I cant imagine you will after reading such a tale of horror and pirates, watch out for gruber, as I'm sure he will return someday with a key to your apartment and his extra large mooching sack. Some guy driving a blue saturn SUV was also constantly driving across the flowers surrounding the entrance of these palacial estates. Now the petunias are dead and Owings Manor is that much more drab for it. Feel good about yourself, do you guy in the blue saturn' Even the gang (yes, still definitely a gang) could appreciate the immesureable joy that that single bed of half dead flowers brought to the residents of these apartments. Such a shame, such a terrible terrible shame. I'm sure somewhere Groundskeeper Willy is spinning is his grave. Finally, my favorite part, the gym. I was a frequent at the Owings Manor Gym (and I use that term loosely) because lets face, the cannons that I call my left arm and my right arm arent gonna maintain themselves. So I would stroll over to find the local kids playing hide and go attempt to bodily injure your friend. Fine, whatever, I'm getting buff what do I care' Oh wait, it appears approximately 85% ( - 5% margine of error)of the gym equipment is broken. Well, at least the treadmills are usually working, I'll just watch the tv while I run. No wait, it appears Owings Manor forgot to pay their cable bill so the cable is not working, and I am now running in silence staring at a blank screen which is creeping me out cuz I just saw the movie The Ring and lets face it, scared the hell out of me. So to recap, I have never lived in an adobe hut as I am not quite sure what adobe is or where to get adobe, but I imagine it would be preferable to living in the unabashed splendor that is Owings Manor. I did like the pool. g-hKOS7s4Nq5n3hEIpHd

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