I've been here for a year now, and the one thing I know is that you can't polish a turd, more specifically a Lion's turd. I wish I had never seen this place, I wish I still lived in my old basement apartment in a midtown dump. Just DON'T move here if you have more than three brain cells, which you probably do if you're reading this.
I hope to inform as much as I entertain with this top ten list, so here goes:

-TOP TEN Reasons NOT To Move To Lionshead-

#10- THE NEIGHBORS; I feel like a stranger
in a strange land here. If you pass someone in the parking lot on foot, they won't nod at you or anything. But, they will stare at you like you're on their personal property. Same goes for a person driving by; they'll look at you out of their window straight into your eye and then give YOU a dirty look like you're the one with an attitude problem. "Stuck up, white, West Omaha projects" is the phrase that comes to mind.

#9- THE LIGHTNING; Some people might find
this cool and interesting at first, as I did, but after the first time it gets annoying. The Lionshead property is built along the Papio Creek and guess what: so are a dozen electrical transformer towers less than 200 yards from each other. So when ever there is a thunderstorm, your magically whisked away to World War II London during a German Blitzkrieg (i.e. bombing run). It looks pretty cool to see lightning strike within a few hundred feet of your window, but it's not very cool when it strikes once every 20 seconds and it's 2:00 in the morning. Hope you've got a gallon of Ny-Quil.

#8- THE CONSTRUCTION; I could build a better
apartment building out of toothpicks. The exterior wall in my bedroom acts more like a heat and cold conductor than an insulator. The bedroom is always at least 10 degrees cooler than the living room in winter and 10 degrees hotter in summer, which is amazing since I've seen closets bigger than this one-bedroom apartment. Not to mention the huge cracks around the door frames; I think my part of the building is sinking. If it's really windy late at night, you can hear the structure creak with every gust. Hope it doesn't collapse 'til I move.

#7- THE BUGS; In the winter, it's alright
(except for the cockroach that crawled out of the bathroom sink). In the summer, get some mace. The patio window will be covered with tiny bugs from the creek, and if you wanna sit outside in the evening you'll need more than a citronella candle if you wanna live. On the inside, there are a million silverfish. I see one every other day; long, scaly bodies with 20 legs and 2 huge antennae. At least they don't bite... yet.

#6- THE CARPET; It's WHITE, it's CHEAP,
it's not a Stainmaster. Don't look at it funny, or it gets dirty for spite.

#5- THE POTHOLES; Talk about bombing, it
looks like a freaking war zone in the parking lot. But hey, they've only been there since January and it's only June. Maybe management waiting to make sure no more pop up this winter before they fix them. I bet by August or September they'll be gone (like me!).

#4- PET RENT; What the hell is pet rent' I
can't believe I have to pay $15 a month to have a damn pet, plus the $150 up-front deposit for the animal. I bet these Nazis use the pet rent to replace the cheap-ass carpet when you move, even though it's not damaged by the pet but by looking at it wrong. Give me a break.

#3- THE MAINTENANCE; Or lack thereof I
should say. When something breaks or doesn't work right, I've found it's easier to live without it than to have maintenance fix it. It takes 2 to 3 calls and 4 to 5 days to get them to come out, then you've only got about a 50/50 chance of having it fixed right. This is a common problem with all apartments I know, but it still deserves to be #3.

#2- THE MANAGEMENT; Or should I say "the
rejects from the beauty contest down the street at Guitars and Cadillacs." I am convinced that all you need to get hired here is a pair of breasts and a fake tan, because they don't have the comprehension skills to fill out a damn maintenance request right. Nor can they answer any questions I might have, like "why are there still potholes everywhere in June'" or "why is my garbage disposal running worse now that maintenance fixed it'"

-And the #1 Reason NOT To Move To Lionshead:

THE PARKING; Don't worry if you can't find
time to go to our lovely, state-of-the-art
fitness facilities here (the one redeeming
quality), because you'll get plenty of
exercise walking 2 miles from the only open
parking space on property every night to
your fabulous luxury apartment. The ratio
of cars to apartments is about 3 cars for
every apartment. No Joke. If you want a spot
near your door, get home by 9:00 at night.
It's not even funny how many cars are pulled
up on the grass, under trees, blocking
intersections. Freaking NIGHTMARE!!!!

This concludes the incredible but TRUE Top Ten reasons not to move to Lionshead. Hope I never see you here. (If I do, it's probably because you were driving through and got stuck in one of the 2-foot deep potholes).

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