This gem of an old-school New York tenement has it all:

? Totally unpredictable hot water!!!
Enjoy creating exciting new and interesting shower choreography as you dance around and away from the sometimes-steady stream of "scalding-no-freezing-no-lukewarm-no-freezing-no-scalding" water. Fun for the whole family!

? Thoroughly unreliable heat!!!
Imagine the thrill of purchasing extra blankets AND a space heater just to make it through the night!

? Regular building-wide power outages!!!
No tenant should ever have to settle for the boredom of predictable electrical service -- Enjoy your status as a frequent shopper at the candle store. BONUS: Pleasure abounds especially for the home-based businessperson looking for some variety (or a sponatneous break!) in the working day.

? Missing super!!!
Tenants benefit from a dedicated superintendent who maintains a slum-level professional demeanor while managing to not actually live on the premises or be available for city inspectors.

? Mold in the front hallway!!!
For those who think that they don't have the time or energy to keep a houseplant, this building has you covered. Offering one (1) major leak per six (6) -month period, as well as the requisite "plaster and paint only when the city is called" service, residents enjoy a daily fix for their flora fetish. Just walk on in and "get-your-plant-on!"

? Loose tiles on the stairways!!!
Living on the edge requires total investment. Show your commitment to the cause by bringing a friend along to guide you as you carry your laundry down the stairs. Fun social time and good training -- for your friend's lookout skills as well as for your own ability to roll-through a fall!

? Faulty Front-Door Buzzer!!!
If you are the type who just loves to exasperate delivery people, a special treat -- It can take upwards of four (4) attempts to buzz-in. Imagine their frustration as they HEAR the buzzer but don't actually experience the OPENING of the door!

? Unmarked Floors!!!
Thrill to the confused sounds of your guests (or firemen, or emergency workers) as they overshoot your floor because it's not marked! Floors are denoted with a letter, apartments with a number -- "1F" would denote a sixth-floor apartment. It's fun to play "Guess-which-floor-we're-on"!

? Filthy floors!!!
It's a known fact that peeling paint in hallways is much less distracting when it is not reflected in a too-shiny floor.

? Overflowing Trash Area!!!
Recycling is blissfully ignored in the common area -- Tenants enjoy poor markings and unclear delineations for all types of materials to be recycled. Trashcans are left regularly to spill over -- We take pride in our refuse in this building and we like to display it on the street!

Yes, friends -- It's real New York living. You got a problem with that'

User Responses
From: clebeau896	Date: 03/19/2005
Funny.... but sadly it's true. I feel sorry for the lost delivery boys! How about the padlock on the basement door to keep the city inspctors out? Makes you wonder what is being hidden down there besides a boiler that doesn't work properly! Oh, and you left out the slippery tiles on the floors of the hallways. It is a good thing they are never washed because a person would fall and break their neck on the clean tiles. At least the mice that frolick in the rubish in front of the building are being well fed.

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