Let's get the expected complaints out of the way first. When we moved in the windows would not open correctly, even though we reported them on the move-in sheet, it was still not corrected by the time we left a year later. The carpets were cleaned right before our arrival, but the old stains seeped back through within two weeks. The dishwasher is as loud as a Harrier jet and the only way to drown out that racket is to turn on the even louder HVAC unit. The laundry room would disgrace a housing project and only opens when the maintenance person gets around to it. The kitchen and dining room are too small for their intended use, and the walls separating them waste valuable space, making the whole apartment seem even more cramped. Did I mention the carpet is nasty with visible seams between rooms'

Now that you know what to expect on the tour, here's what you will get on move-in the worst neighbors ever.

Within a month of our arrival a couple of teenage gang bangers were shot at on Gray Ave., which prompted management to install a fence on that side of the complex to keep them out. Not that you can tell, judging by all the young black men and -------- loitering in the parking lot all evening, well into the night. Occasionally, they will throw empty bottles at your door or blenders at your car. This actually happened to us.

My next door neighbor keeps a Boston Terrier he trained to use the bathroom outside. Everywhere. I don't believe he will let it back in the door until it uses the bathroom. So, every time the dog is outside and sees a person it will hunker down and try to pinch one off. At first he would scoop the poop. Now he doesn't even try, so there is dog feces all over the yard and sidewalk. Just taking the trash to the dumpster is like navigating a minefield.

Speaking of which, trash is always piled up next to half full dumpsters. Putting trash in a can seems to be a lost art with some people. Or maybe they can't open it with the stack of mattresses that are piled up next to the dumpsters daily.

And finally, there is Silly Billy.

Yes, that is a goat tied to a tree next to the laundry room. He was the final warning that I was living in the Third World. If all of this seems normal to you, then welcome to your new home! Enjoy the stay.

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