This was my first apartment, and I learned alot from it. Here's a list of ten things that CPR taught me.

1) One water heater is not enough for an eight unit building. 6am showers were very short, else they became cold.

2) The lady beneath you will bang on the ceiling just for the hell of it. Sure, we made noise every now and then and we needed a reminder to be quiet, but when I try to walk from my bed to the bathroom at midnight and get yelled at for it... bah.

3) The Black gang bangers will try to sell you pot. The Mexican gang bangers will try to sell you pills and crack. The Redneck guy ( he ran alone ) will try to sell you meth. If this is your shtick, then just roll your window down and drive by any collective group of thugs in the parking lot, it's convenient! ( Don't worry about the cop car, he's asleep ).

4) Legal threats can be used to insipre maintinence workers:

If your air conditioner gives out, don't let them 'put some freeon in it'. Because within 48 hours, it'll be out again, and a now you're playing a game which is very hard to win. AC breaks, go to management, they call the AC guy, three days later he comes out and ... puts some more freeon in it. Two days later, it starts over. We played this game for four months. July, August, September, and October. In those 120 days, maybe 20 of them had AC. I know the problem, as I can see the hole in the copper tube coming out of our condenser coil ( it ran outside the building ). I told them this from day one, but they kept on saying 'oh, we'll just put some more freeon in it'. Finally, I drew up paperwork saying that if they're not going to meet the terms they agreed to in the leasing agreement ( it lists AC as a maintained ammenity ), then I don't have to pay my rent. Why should I keep my side of the deal if they're not going to' The next day, I had a brand new AC unit.

5) Don't pay for covered parking. Someone else is just gonna park in your spot, if you get it towed then they'll smash in your window when they come out and see your park in your spot ( and not theirs ).

6) Hide anything expensive with sheets when moving it into your apartment. Do not hide weapons ( guns, etc ) when moving in. Let the guy across the way who want to break in and steal your stuff know that there's also a sawed-off shotgun somewhere in the house. I wish I had, then I wouldn't have had to fight off the guys who tried to break in my second night there. This was mainly my fault, you don't carry a bunch of really expensive stuff past thugs and not expect something to happen.

7) Mold can be fun if sculpted properly. At least at CPR I never had a shortage! I even had mold growing in the tank of my toilet. The convenience!

8) Don't park in the spots in the parking lot where you can drive straight into the spot. Always park a few down, or close to the middle of the stretch of spots. When the enraged / drunk / high girlfriend of one of the Mexican gang members feels the need to get out of the complex at 40mph, she's not going to make the turn. Instead she'll smash right into your car, destroying the rear end of it. Don't worry, she'll be high enough to run away from the scene well before the cops get there, and the twenty people chasing her didn't see anything happen, they all came out and ran across the parking lot because they heard the noise. Or at least that's what the cops are going to be told. Well, it's what they would have been told but they didn't show up UNTIL THE NEXT DAY.

9) The locks on the pool gates are just for show. Feel free to go take a dip at 3am. In fact, bring a bunch of clear glass bottles, and joints. Leave them wherever you'd like, afterall it's not like you can see a broken beer bottle in the pool, and kids love to smoke mystery weed!

10) Good luck with your utility bills. Even without our AC running ( it was broke most of the time ), our energy bill was rediculous. I checked it out - there was virtually no insulation on the roof over our head. There was some, but not much at all ( about two inches worth ). It had not gone flat, there just wasn't much there. When I put up reflective metal blinds in the windows, I was told to take them down. Something about it looking trashy. Well, that may be true, but it also knocked 20'f off the temprature inside our apartment!

Moving into these apartments honestly wasn't that bad. It was a great learning experience for two friends who needed a place to stay. When things went sour between the two of us, the management was actually quite helpful to me. Other than that, I learned alot about how to scare of gangs and protect my stuff. Oh yeah, and the whole growing up thing, moving out from loving parents home too. Yeah, all of that.

User Responses
From: Anonymous	Date: 08/06/2007
I totally agree with you. But, the Roaches are out of control!!
From: viol8	Date: 08/28/2007
haha, that was hilarious, you should be an editor for a magazine :-p great review... my car was broken into last night, they even stole baseball cards out of my trunk... how pathetic. also 20 other cars got broken into, im assuming this took a little time, noone saw anything at all though, how shocking.

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