Do you have too much money' Are you looking for a place to get bilked out of your hard-earned bucks for mediocre accommodations' Do you enjoy scanning through angry little passive aggressive notes' Are you thrilled and titillated by the excitement of dodging piles of dog crap and racing home to snag the last available parking space' If so, you will just love living in Pleasant Springs. I know I sure did!

Pleasant Springs promises "luxury living yet located in a quiet country setting." I myself consider an overcrowded pool studded with dead bugs and exploded diaper bits to be a naught but a refreshing adventure. Will I be stricken with a hideous gastro-intestinal virus' Will I not' Who knows! The excitement!

I, like many other tenants I am sure, was deeply enthralled by the minuscule bathrooms, hideous plywood cabinets, galley-sized kitchen, cheap-ass carpet, and fluorescent lighting. What sort of life is it when you have room for more than one person to brush their teeth without living in mortal fear of an elbow to the eye' The boring sort,I tell you.

And nothing says quiet country idle like the virulent stench of thawing cow ---- from the field across the street wafting in through your windows in the spring time. I for one was delighted that the windows never sealed properly. I would have missed this little nugget of joy). Of course inserting your head directly up a cow's ass would be cheaper, but we're after luxury here people. Luxury is never cheap.
To my utter delight, I discovered that the "springs" for which Pleasant Springs is named is not the twee little fountain that abuts the pretentious deck-walk into the main office. Nay. It is in fact a swamp located directly to the rear of the complex. During the summer time, you can look forward to a rich supply of mosquitoes to swat away as you bake next to Pleasant Springs' soupy pool. Exotic! And of course, luxurious!

While slightly irritated to learn that internet access came with the apartment for the nominal fee of $15 (where's the fun in that I ask you'), my dismay was quickly allayed when I realized that the service was not at all dependable. Will I be able to get on this time' Have super secret agent spies shut down the network' Ooh I don't know! Exciting! And not so much exciting as...Luxurious!

But the very, very best part about Pleasant Springs is surely their office staff. So officious these misanthropes with their loopy signatures and tightly folded passive aggressive notes on brightly-colored paper. Regrettably, I cannot promise the scads of poorly-worded missives you will receive from Pleasant Springs office staff will be grammatically sound. But I can promise that you will receive plenty of them. Lots and lots. Have an unsightly planter on your balcony' Note! Opera music bothering your chain-smoking weird-ass neighbor' Note! Going to be a day late on your rent' (Eviction) Note! Handily posted in your door clip (they don't even charge extra for door clips!) for all your neighbors to see. Enjoy the warm fuzzy feelings that come from knowing that they haven't forgotten about you and your reprehensible habits, not even a little bit!

If all this has failed to convince you of the excitement and wonder that could be yours, read this quote from Pleasant Springs' richly colored brochure,"As one door closes, another opens... Pleasant Springs understands foreclosures!" Well of course they do! Very well in fact. A foreclosure on your credit means they can charge you a deposit roughly equivalent to the amount you would receive from your selling your newborn (provided your offspring is suitably attractive) on the open market. Now that you are homeless (and possibly childless), Pleasant Springs' exorbitant utilities and late fees can ensure you'll feel right at home in no time, scrambling to make a monthly housing payment and dodging the repo man. "Same day approvals!"

Run (don't drive, there won't be parking) by Pleasant Springs today!

User Responses
From: Anonymous	Date: 02/12/2009
OMG!!! LOL!!!! So hiliarous and TRUE. Get the F--- away from this S--- HOLE!
From: Anonymous	Date: 03/11/2009
How about you do this....buy a house or move and shut the hell up! You sound like one of those hard-to-please negetive people that need to get a life!
From: Anonymous	Date: 05/27/2009
Awe come on this is hilarious. Didn't you at least think it was funny? Towards the end, I kind of figured this person was the kind of person who wants everything handed to them on a silver platter, but at least they whined about it with sarcasm. I got a really good laugh from this.
From: Anonymous	Date: 06/03/2009
100% agreeed, there is no better way to write this. I lived there and experienced hell from their staffs and their over priced apartment complex . More apartments in the area are being built. Once the competition gets a little agressive, they will cut their prices and treat their leads with more respect and if you happen to be convinced and decide to rent with them, you get some courtsey while living their...

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