Welcome to camp Enclave No. 1101! Water is turned off every month at 9am for repairs - date TBD. Your nearest neighbor? Well does that include the cockroaches?
Oh, and that laundry room in the basement they promised you 9 months ago? Well your $100 gift card was spent months ago at the local laundromat, and they're still busy eradicating the birds who have called the vents home for years.
Good news: The spotlights installed on the roof will deter any escapees.
Wait. This is an apartment complex! Not a prison camp! At least the access controls on exterior doors don't actually latch! I'm struggling to sleep. The flood lights illuminating my tenement is keeping me awake. At least the cockroaches are gone. They don't like the light.